In his Divine Comedy, Dante Alighieri (c1265-1321) famously described nine levels of hell.? Had Dante been alive today he would have added one more: Childrens music.
I once drove all the way from Wellington to Paraparaumu, to drop my daughter off at the grandparents, with nothing but the ?Wonky Donkey? song repeated the entire way.? That?s around 20 friken times!? She would yell and howl every time I tried to change it.? Strangely enough, by the end I had become so desensitized, that I drove a considerable distance home, by myself, with the CD still on.
I read an article once that the CIA subject suspected terrorists to Barneys ?I Wuv You? song repeatedly at high volume as an interrogation technique.? Apparently it?s very effective[1].
With most types of music there are plenty of reviews, blogs, magazines, word of mouth etc. to help you sort the good stuff out from the dross.?? But with kids stuff you are flying blind.? Unfortunately Rolling Stone magazine doesn?t have a kiddies? genre review section.
Not that reviews would matter much anyway ? as frankly almost all of it is pretty dire.
Most kids music sounds like it was recorded in a garage by someone who has just rounded up the local neighborhood kids on a wet Saturday afternoon and got them to belt of versions of ?She?ll be commin? round the mountain? and such like.
And that?s the good stuff.? The bad stuff sounds like the children?s choir of some weird religious cult ? and be more suited as background music in a B grade horror film.
And the CDs for babies!? What?s with all the? ?Baby-Dub? and ?Mozart for Babies??? Why can?t we have ?Queens of the Stone Age for Babies??
Think of it this way ? At best, the Wiggles would be a mediocre pub covers band.? As a kids band, they are superstars.
Anyway, it may sound like the soundtrack to hell to you ? but believe me, your kids will love it? ? and Southern-Baptist death-cult garage guy is all you are going to be hearing for the next 5-hours on that family trip to Taupo.
Fathers of previous generations were spared these horrors due to limitations and availability of sound reproduction technologies. Granddad?s generation were lucky if they had ?the wireless?.? And our parents generation generally had a single ?hi-fi? system in the lounge ? which was mainly reserved for Elvis and Roger Whittaker ? with the kids ?Buzz o Bumble? LP getting the occasional spin on a Sunday morning.
Modern Fathers are not so lucky.? These days IPods and CD players infiltrate our cars and almost every room in the house.? There is no escape for us!
All this being said, the kiddies music things only a relatively short phase in the grand scheme of things.? There is light at the end of the tunnel for me.? My oldest (5 yrs) has recently discovered the heady joys of rock and roll. ?Although I think she just likes the screaming ?- and the fact her dad dances like a crazed orangutan when it?s on.
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[1] This was how they really found Bin Laden.
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(Photo care of?Florian?and licensed under Creative Commons license 2.0.)
Source: http://www.citywrigglers.co.nz/?p=4003
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